At the Westchester Foundation, we will understand addiction as an all-consuming relationship with a substance or behavior, driven by a conscious or unconscious urge to feel something different, which perpetuates itself despite a range of harmful consequences.
It will be evident that you do not need to be addicted to a substance or behavior to suffer from the impact of addiction.
As a family or family member, you may find yourself in a similarly consuming relationship. This is often driven by the desire to experience something different—by attempting to get the addicted person to change, to stop their addictive behavior, and, in doing so, eliminate the associated harm.
Families often live on what has been termed “hopium,” the belief that they can find that one thing that will bring about change in the addicted person.
Just as addiction to a substance or behavior consumes an individual, life for families may become a preoccupation with what is happening to their addicted loved one. This can feel like a losing battle—trying to control the uncontrollable.
As this struggle intensifies, families may feel disempowered, but rather than confronting this, they often double down on their efforts, which is understandable given the serious and potentially fatal consequences of addiction.
The chronic stress that families and family members endure will have measurable effects on their psychological and physical health.
They may experience anxiety, depression, emotional instability, and low self-esteem. Cognitive functions may suffer, resulting in distraction and conflict, while physical symptoms such as aches, nervous tension, fatigue, digestive issues, and compromised immune function are common.
Families often develop coping mechanisms—both individually and as a system—that, unfortunately, are counterproductive. Addiction may become the organizing force within the family, resetting the norms of behavior and interactions.
Coping mechanisms might include denial, concealment, or even collusion. Families may experience a sense of shame, similar to the addicted individual, exacerbated by the stigma surrounding addiction in society. Additionally, they may adapt to the demands of addiction while neglecting their own needs, both as individuals and as a family unit.
At the Westchester Foundation, we will recognize the needs of families and individual family members. They will play an essential role in the treatment process of their loved one, and with the patient’s consent, they will be invited to participate. This participation will include Family Conferences, where family members will have the opportunity to explore and understand how addiction has taken hold and how they can support one another and the family system in recovery.
Furthermore, we will recognize that families need support for themselves, independent of the addicted individual. So much focus is often placed on the family member with the addiction, in ways that can be counterproductive, that the needs of others are overlooked, leading to suffering. We will help family members reclaim their own well-being and health as part of their recovery process.
The Westchester Foundation will have a dedicated Family Therapist available, and we will offer a specially designed six or ten-day program for family members, including a residential option.
Interestingly, when family members start focusing on their own well-being, the addicted person often benefits as well. They may finally find the space they need to take responsibility for their own recovery.
